How to do an I Ching love reading

An I Ching love reading works best when you ask about your own part in a relationship rather than about the other person's feelings or a guaranteed outcome. The book has a handful of hexagrams that speak directly about courtship, marriage and household, and many more that describe the kind of moment you are in; read the cast as a picture of that moment and of the attitude it rewards. What it will not do, and should not be asked to do, is tell you whether someone is "the one".

Frame the question first

Most disappointing love readings fail at the question. The I Ching's texts are written about conduct: they say what kind of situation this is and what serves you in it. So the questions that get clear answers are the ones you can act on.

• Instead of "Does she love me?", ask "What should I understand about where this relationship stands?"
• Instead of "Will we get back together?", ask "What attitude serves me now that it has ended?"
• Instead of "Is he going to propose?", ask "What would help us build something lasting?"

Asking about another person's heart is a question the tradition treats with caution; we discuss why, and how to reframe it, in Asking the I Ching about another person. For phrasing in general, see How to ask the I Ching a question.

The hexagrams of courtship and partnership

The lower canon of the Zhouyi opens with relationship. The Xugua, the Wing that explains the sequence, says that after heaven and earth come the ten thousand things, then man and woman, then husband and wife, and that "the way of husband and wife must last", which is why Xian is followed by Heng. These are the hexagrams that come up most often in love readings, with what they actually say:

• [31, Xian](/iching/hexagrams/31-xian) — Influence, mutual attraction. The Judgment: 亨，利貞，取女吉, "success; favourable to be steadfast; taking a wife brings good fortune." The Tuan explains 咸 as 感, feeling and being moved. Its Great Image, 君子以虛受人, asks you to receive others by being open and empty of preconceptions. The fourth line, 憧憧往來, "restless coming and going", is the classic picture of anxious overthinking. See the love reading for Xian.
• [32, Heng](/iching/hexagrams/32-heng) — Duration. Attraction made lasting. The Image says to "stand firm and not change direction": constancy in what matters, not rigidity in everything. See Heng in love.
• [37, Jia Ren](/iching/hexagrams/37-jia-ren) — The Family. A household works when each person's place is clear and words are matched by deeds; its Image asks that speech have substance and conduct have constancy.
• [53, Jian](/iching/hexagrams/53-jian) — Gradual Progress. 女歸吉, "the maiden's marriage brings good fortune": a union that proceeds step by step, through the proper stages, like a tree growing on a mountain. Often a sign to let things unfold at their own pace. See Jian in love.
• [54, Gui Mei](/iching/hexagrams/54-gui-mei) — The Marrying Maiden. The pair of Jian, and its warning, which ends in 無攸利: "to advance brings misfortune; nothing is favourable." It describes a union entered from a weak or unequal position. Its Image is wise rather than gloomy: the superior person "understands what is lasting through knowing what wears out". See Gui Mei in love.
• [44, Gou](/iching/hexagrams/44-gou) — Coming to Meet. 女壯，勿用取女, "the woman is strong; do not marry such a woman." Modern readers rightly do not take this as a statement about women; read it as a meeting driven by an overwhelming pull that one should not build a commitment on too quickly. See Gou in love.

Others recur too: 38, Kui (Opposition), whose Tuan describes two daughters living together whose wills do not move together, and which still allows "good fortune in small matters"; 61, Zhong Fu (Inner Truth), on sincerity; and 11, Tai and 12, Pi, the pair of communion and stagnation.

Reading a love cast without false prediction

The verdict words in a judgment, such as 吉 good fortune or 凶 misfortune, are conditional. They describe what tends to follow from a certain conduct in a certain situation. "Taking a wife brings good fortune" in Xian sits next to 利貞, "favourable to be steadfast": the good fortune belongs to a sincere, correct approach. Likewise Gui Mei's warning is about acting from the wrong position, not a sentence passed on a person.

A few habits keep a love reading honest:

• Read the moving lines. The changing lines usually say more than the hexagram name. Xian with its fourth line moving is about your own restless mind; Xian with the top line moving, 咸其輔頰舌, influence through "jaws, cheeks and tongue", is about talk without substance.
• Treat the changed hexagram as direction, not destiny. It shows where the situation tends if things go on as they are. See What does the changed hexagram mean?
• Read the Image for advice. Every Great Image ends in a piece of conduct for the 君子; in love readings that is often the most useful line of all.
• Notice what you hoped it would say. If you feel the urge to re-cast because the answer disappointed you, that is useful information too.

A worked example

Someone asks: "What should I understand about this new relationship?" The cast gives Hexagram 53, Jian with the third line moving. The Judgment says the union is good if it proceeds properly. The third line warns: the wild goose advances to the plateau; "the husband goes forth and does not return; the wife conceives but does not give birth": something attempted out of order does not come to term. Changing that line gives 20, Guan, Contemplation.

Read together: the relationship has a good basis, but forcing a step it is not ready for would cost it; the direction is toward watching and understanding before acting. No prophecy, just a clear piece of advice.

Putting it into practice

When you cast a love reading on our I Ching caster:

• Ask one question about your own part, in one sentence.
• Read the Judgment, the Image, then the moving lines, then the changed hexagram.
• Open the hexagram's love page for a focused reading, but let the classical text lead.
• Write down what the reading asks you to do, and do that, rather than casting again for reassurance.